Monday, October 7, 2013

To 28E, c/o XXX Church

To 28E, c/o XXX CHURCH

After an amazing trip to South Africa that led straight to Exxxotica NJ, I was exhausted. I decided to change my flight and leave directly after my shift today, just to have a little breathing room before Tuesday. Although I do believe that everything happens for a reason, little did I know what United 1224 flight had in store for me.

I always book window seats, because I love to curl up and read, and as I settled in, a girl in her twenties sat down next to me. Soon after, a guy sat down in the aisle seat. They began a bit of that polite airplane banter that only existed to me as background noise, until he asked what she did for a living. 

"I do ministry work."

My ears perked up, because sometimes I encounter ministry volunteers when I travel and we often trade stories about non-profits & NGOs in other countries that need help. But THEN, I couldn't believe what came next.

"I minister to people in, uh... porn, so I've been dealing with SKETCHY PORN STARS at some convention for the last few days, so..." *she shudders, disgusted* (The guy, who may have even been an attendee of Exxxotica, looks intrigued.)

I felt a fiery hot sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. This was supposed to be 5 1/2 hours of peaceful reading in the sky, relaxing on my way home to sleep in my own bed after a busy (but awesome) 2+ weeks. She is seated SIX INCHES away from me. I am FURIOUS, and I know I am about to explode if I stay quiet.

"I AM one of those sketchy porn stars", I exclaim rather loudly. She turns, surprised. Many other people in surrounding rows turn around too, curious to know what a 'sketchy porn star' looks like. "and that's not very Christian of you."

She turns and looks me in the face, wide eyed. "What's your name?" (as if my name mattered to her then. It may matter NOW, as I tweet about our exchange to almost a quarter of a million people, blog about it, and discuss it on my RADIO SHOW next week.)

I did tell her and she responded with something like I wasn't wearing makeup so she didn't know it was me or some nonsense. I just stared at her as she tried in vain to dig herself out of her hole. I turned away and stared out the window as we taxied down the runway, considering my options. In the meantime, she began nervously chatting to the guy about how she's been working so hard at the show and seeing all the women being so mistreated by all the men and it upsets her sooooo much. Poor souls. 

Minutes later, to me: "I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. I guess I was trying to be cool." 

I look at her again. "XXX Church, right?" She nods. "I recognize you. You came by our booth." Now she knows I know the group she works with. I began to loudly explain how she was passing judgement and had no business doing so. As I do this, I understand that my spoken words will never be enough to express to her how upset I am. So I decided to write her a letter instead. 


Dear 28E,

Since we're about to spend some time together, allow me to introduce myself. I'm jessica drake. I've been in the adult business now for over 10 years as a performer, writer, director, and Sex Educator. I am not a victim. I am not mistreated. I am not an addict. I was not sexually abused. Men do not mistreat me. I am not exploited. 

You told me you don't know why you said what you said...but I do. 

You said it because you're a hypocrite. You may have said it because you're brainwashed. I'm sure it wasn't the first time you've spoken that way about us. You said it to a perfect stranger on an airplane within 3 minutes of meeting him, and I can only imagine the things that you say to others within your organization. Your hypocrisy is, in part, my issue with organized religion. I have more spirituality and compassion in the fingers that I'm using to type this out on my iPad than you have in your whole body. I hope this lesson might be the catalyst that helps you change that.

In just a few sentences, you have shamed us, judged us, and attempted to influence a stranger with your skewed reality. In the name of JESUS.

You are representing XXXChurch. There are only 2 viable explanations:

A. You are parroting their beliefs and feelings about porn stars, in which case your promotional stickers you pass out at our sex conventions should read "Jesus loves porn stars...but WE think they're icky"

B. You are sharing your own very personal feelings about porn performers, and should NOT be publicly representing XXX Church.

Throughout Exxxotica, I was not mistreated once, but sitting next to you, I feel utterly violated. I am more offended sitting next to a hypocrite than you ever would have been seated next to a PORN STAR, and believe me, right about now I'd rather be out on the wing than in this seat beside you. At the very least, I am hopeful this will be a learning experience for you...and if not you, then perhaps for the public, the people at XXX Church and the shows that allow you access to us, like Exxxotica.

Sincerely,

The Sketchy Porn Star
28F

10 comments:

  1. *ninja hugs*

    Y'know... I hope this twit (you mind if I call her a twit? No? Okay.) read this, but I'm 99% sure that, even if she did, there would be no change, no guilt, no epiphany... the hypocrisy and "sketchy" beliefs and actions of these people won't allow it. Good on you for not swallowing your tongue and saying to her what you did - can't let people like that get away with their stupidity.

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  2. Amazing story, maybe you were able to make her think. At least you didn't have to worry about her trying to make out with you.

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  3. Sounding a little defensive there, Jessica. How old was 28E? A bit young, I bet. Everybody sounds tired and needs to calm down. Love your work and their work, too.

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  4. Wow... one of the many reasons I follow and admire you jd. Your beauty radiates from within and you can put into words what I'm sure many in your business wish they could. Hypocrite is too kind of a name to hang on her. I could think of a few more, but I hope she got the point. Christian... hah! Laughable!

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  5. Jessica, I am a follower or Jesus, and I am so sorry for her ignorance.
    Not everyone who says they work in Jesus name, actually does. Please accept my apology on her behalf. And I pray that you are never mistreated or disrespected again, by people who say they represent the one who loves you beyond what you could think. He would never treat you that way. Please let go of all that yuckiness associated with that treatment. The only thing we should show you is Love.

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  6. Jessica,
    I found your blog through a link while browsing the xxxchurch website. Wow. :( I'm so sorry you experienced that. It made me so sad to think how hurtful those words were and how untrue. I wish more people would realize the true gravity of their speech and actions, especially when speaking for Jesus. Thank you for your compelling post as a reminder of this. I'm sorry again that you had to endure that. I hope your future experiences are those of kindness and friendship.

    Best wishes <3

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  7. I believe you did make her think and reflect on what little words she said could represent years of work. Thank you for writing this and putting your thoughts down so well. It not only gave her a reason to look at how she lives her life and represents her career, but it gave me the words I haven't yet had. I appreciate this so much, jd. And it is another example of why I herald your involvement in the industry to the utmost extent.

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  8. Hey Jessica and thanks for posting the blog. I am a dude that loves Jesus and minister to many that struggle with habitual behavior relating to porn. But what I have found is that many that do what I do or like what I do, do not see themselves as those there trying to minister to. From the Christian perspective none are good including my own motives. So compassion should be first on our hearts. Jesus said the whores and tax collectors will enter before the religious (I'm one of those for sure). Also, I was born in Encino, lived in North Hollywood and Simi Valley & went to college at CSUN. I have been around porn my entire life. We saw the industry as a way to get our foot into other studios. That maybe has helped the way I have look at those in the industry as some have been friends. Not sure if those like the lady you sat with have actually had this kind of exposure to a world that is much different than theirs. I was not raised a Christian, so maybe I simply come at it from a different view than those that were raised in conservative homes. I'm sure this won't be the last time this happens, but I would love it if it was! Be well.

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  9. It would be interesting to hear the other side. One sided condemnation is never fair. Has she tried to contact you? After going to the XXXchurch website, something just doesn't quite add up...

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  10. Excellent blog post.

    A few years back, one of the XXX Church people (a guy) randomly slapped one of their stickers (fairly hard ; and a ripped one, nonetheless) on my chest without my consent and out of nowhere as I was walking by their booth. This was also at Exxxotica NJ...2010. I wasn't even looking at them at the time. Not a big deal, but not appropriate, either.

    Perhaps the organization should work a bit more on screening who represents it.

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